Raises everything from tall corn, bay mules, pawpaws, red-haws and crab-apples on down to chinch bugs, 17-year locusts, 4-inch grasshoppers and 341 kinds of hell. Also produces governors, U. S. Senators, cabinet officials and Congressmen -- and exploits train and bank robbers such as the world never knew. Alex Dockery, Isaiah Long, J. W. Alexander, Ed Howe, Bob Ball, Cliff Harrison, Billy Hamilton, Frank and Jesse James, the Younger Brothers, Bill Quantrell and Tom Crittendon among her most famous citizens, and denizens.

Albert Gallatin started her off with such a bang that nobody -- not even the James boys -- could ever stop her. Adam was born there, Eve plucked the apple there, and Enoch was translated and Elijah went up to heaven in a chariot of flaming fire from Lamma Hill. The devil tried it there, but it was too hot for him and he backed out on his elbows and heels and went back to hell in disgust. I tried it and killed Alta Vista and two more good towns -- and then moved out.

Dudley Reid